Great blog, shame about the name

Although people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Most people on site were looking for leatherman porn so I really shouldn't criticise.

I've been neglecting my feeds lately and as a result, haven't been talking about metal much and as a final outcome, haven't posted much on here. However I just spent the past hour or so going through a backlog of posts from Invisible Oranges (the ones I could be bothered to read, anyways) and it was super wicked fun. They're easily one of the only two or three metal blogs out there that don't regularly make me want to sandpaper my face off.

But all the same, I HATE the name Invisible Oranges.

And I HATE it when people do that.

Metal up your ass

(From 15th December 2009 - we're not just REALLY behind with news)

J: METALLICA, SLAYER, MEGADETH And ANTHRAX To Share Stage In Europe -
MONEY, INC!!!
i think though it's gonna be at festivals - and not a "big 4 tour"

M: yeah, so they don't have to actually talk to each other and of course - metallica have to headline. are they gonna do it in the uk tho? i thought maiden were set for headliners....

J: depends on what day, i guess, it;s not mentioned about uk sonicsphere in the article, mind, and it just talks about them all doing festival dates, so it's not really as good as they're making it sound.

M: unless they all play one after the other, it don't count and its not the same. if they play anthrax, megadeth, slayer then metallica straight up, then thats pretty cool (if you shut your eyes and imagine they're playing like they did 20 years ago)

J: tom and james can't sing now anyway, plus anthrax will sound bogus without joey so it leaves megadeth who pretty much have't changed to a respect

M: megadeth are the only ones who can still put up a good set. which is even worse - was just saying to TM that blatantly all summer is just gonna be dave mustaine says this, dave mustaine says that - he's gonna be banging on all year about how everyone needs him and how amazing he is - i mean, it's kind of true, but it's gonna be EVEN WORSE than this year

J: with this coming up, he's gonna be on overdrive :D

M: EXACTLY. its gonna be srsly unbearable

J: fuck dave, fuck slayer, fuck metallica, and fuck scab anthrax
there :D

No matter how much shit we give them and as much as it pains me to say it, I fucking LOVE Metallica. That's why it's so easy to rage on them: because of everything they were then and everything they're not now. I love them because they wrote some of the greatest metal of all time and I hate them because when you say you like Metallica people respond: "Oh, Enter Sandman yeah?" and it makes me WANT TO DIE. They're your most beloved child who turned out bad - you love them, but who they are now is just too painful.

Now all of that may be extremely over the top, but I suppose, deep down, I firmly believe that Metallica are the greatest metal band of all time. I'm not saying they're technical wizards, or poets, or whatever shit like that - I just mean overall, all round, the best.

For me, they had everything a metal band was supposed to have. And although I love No Life 'Til Leather, I liked them best on Ride the Lightning. They had Cliff Burton's kick ass themes (I'm still certain he's the only reason anyone gives a shit about H. P. Lovecraft) and the other three could still do what they were supposed to.

Sadly, I was born in 1985. So I've only seen Metallica with short hair and the only album they've released during my metal years is Death Magnetic.* The good old days are far behind us all and Cliff Burton's been dead almost as long as I've been alive.

All I have is this:



100% complete and utter, all-encompassing Lameness.


*The only one I've noticed anyway. They released St. Anger in 2003 and I listened to metal then...it seemingly passed me by. I listened to it for the first time last year and I wish I hadn't.

Lesson learned

Well I didn't see this coming.

J is my usual go-to man for general naysaying and negativity and he's been predictably pissed off with anything AIC related post Layne Staley's death.

So all this has surprised me greatly:

J: I'm...also really liking the new aic album, just a bit bummed it's a farce, but still a cool album. what a turnaround :)

M: should write a post on it* :p

J: Dear jerry, i love your new album because it sounds like layne never died, but i'm not happy on it being used under the AIC name. Love J :)

Who'd have thought it? I know he's still being pissy about things, but for J to admit he actually likes the album (for him to have even bothered listening to it in the first place) is, I believe, a step forward for tolerance and understanding in metal.

So okay, that's a slight overstatement, but I hope you can see what I'm getting at. A lot of metal fans, myself included, will blather on about one band's crimes against music...without actually giving them much of a chance. That's pretty retarded of us and we could be missing out on wicked sick stuff.

HOWEVER - it's fun to be gratuitously rude about things I have no idea about, so I might just continue to do that anyway. But now I can do that with a hint of irony. Which makes it okay. Or not. Whatever.

*I've been nagging J to do a full post of his own since I started this.

Throw away your television...

BBC 4 are (for no apparent reason) having a heavy metal themed weekend. Now, heavy metal themed anything makes me cringe at the best of time (in fact, themed things in general discomfort me) but ...well, I really can't be fucked with it all. I don't even like "heavy metal", I like metal, so I suppose from the off that this isn't for me. I'm not some balding 50 year old who wishes they could still get their fat crack around their Harley, I'm not some purple-haired aging hippy who used to smoke pot in school whilst listening to Black Sabbath...

I understand that early heavy metal forms the foundations for the music I listen to today - but it doesn't mean I care. The Romans formed the foundations of civilization as we know it, but does anyone else here study Latin? No.*

The upside of the tv schedule is that Iron Maiden's Flight 666 will go on air on Thursday at 11pm (GMT) on BBC 4, so I can relive last year's super fun cinema trip. Now there's some aging rockers I'll never stop loving.

The rest of the shows probably aren't up to much - Heavy Metal Britannia is on at 9pm on Friday, which I haven't seen, but I imagine it will be full of old men with regional accents. Heavy Metal Britannia at the BBC will probably be somewhat more fun - like a TOTP2 for old men that like rock music. Iron Maiden Live in Concert will obviously be the top show on Friday - songs from sets from all over the world on the Somewhere Back in Time tour.

After that, Rock Family Trees takes a look at the long and already really, really well known history of Black Sabbath. Possibly the most pointless documentary ever. And on Sunday around 11ish they'll show the Deep Purple one. Great.

I probably won't watch any of that, I have better things to do (like a pretty boy with angel hair and a Sepultura tramp stamp) but just thought I'd mentioned it. It's not everyday that metal gets acknowledged on UK television - even if it is just a load of old men harping on about their youth.

Call me irreverant, but I'm fed up of pretending I give a shit about any of that. Life's too short. I'm not saying its not good music - my mum LOVES Led Zeppellin - but that's exactly what I mean. That's my mum's music!! The world will never develop, never change, if all we're concerned about is what came before us. I understand better than most that the past can teach us many valuable lessons - but the future is where we're heading. Do something original, kids.

*If you do then OMG email me right away. Go Romans!!

Saturday Porn Slot: A brief return

I've mostly given up on this feature going any further, but there are still a few men (and possibly women) worthy of my attention in the genre.

This week, it's a man I've been kidding myself about for a long time. I've always known he was hot, but for some reason have never admitted it to myself. Until this week, when I was checking Machine Head's marchives page...

Rob Flynn is super hot!

He might always wear the same t-shirt and maybe he does sometimes act like a bit of a douche. And perhaps his band do release some terrible, terrible music, but you know what? I can't think of anyone who has a more awesome voice than Rob Flynn. I fucking LOVE his voice. It's the voice of rage. He can't seem to sing and not sound pissed off or at least about to kill himself. Or possibly whinging about the parents. Whatever. It's AMAZING.

In fact, even when he was going through his I'm-going-to-dress-like-Tommy-Lee-when-he-was-dressing-like-a-wigger phase, he's still pretty cute ^______^ (In a I-really-wish-you-weren't-wearing-that-shiny-jacket sort of way)

And look:

Aww :) He was in a credible band at one time you know ;D

All that aside, I love Machine Head, I don't care what J or anyone else says. They're playing Brixton Academy next week and I am gonna be there singing VERY LOUDLY. And hopefully, quite drunk :D

Elephant Man

M: DAVE MUSTAINE: 'I Really Am Enjoying Who I'm Discovering Myself To Be' -
i bet he only invited elephant man back so he'd get more interviews (after the new album ones dropped off) so he could continue to go on and on and on and on and on about himself

J: True, though he could at least say he's happy for dave jr to be back -but he's not mentioned it, i think BM had three articles yesterday about dave jr saying how happy he was. it kinda seems like two people have got back together, but one one of them is happy and the other don't give a shit.
like you said last night, it's not as though MD are gonna release some amazing record now - the next one won't be for another two years give or take.

M: and it's not going to be amazing! people are creaming themselves over this like elephant's gonna return megadeth to their youth...he's a MUSICIAN, not a MAGICIAN.

J: sadistic magician :D
and he's only a bass player at that ;)

M: hahah :) i know! as if megadeth rely on bass? i know he's a key member to some of the classic albums but he'll only be able to make a difference if dave lets him....which is exactly how it always was anyways. megadeth not sounding like megadeth is down to dave mustaine and that's a fact.

J: > i know! as if megadeth rely on bass?
that XD
as if any band rely on bass, rly.
dave jr was an original member from the start and stuck with megaman along way, i think that's why ppl are getting excited, but megaman calls all the stuff in megadeth, it's not like you go into MD as a band member, it's not your band, never will be, and there's no chance of you feeling at home there.

M: exactly. tbh, i don't feel like this is a big deal at all, i think it's kinda sad. sad for elephant man because he seems real happy but i don't think it'll do his career any favours (i mean, he'll get more famous, but he ain't gonna be on an awesome album again any time soon) and i think dave is just doing this for the publicity/for business.

J: > kinda sad. sad for elephant man because he seems real happy but i don't think it'll do his career any favours
this. he might be getting more money than he's on, or feel that he's in a "safer" place than he was before (ie doing youtube tutorial videos on how to record) - though it's the same with rob trujillo - he's on more dosh than he was now, but it's not the best place to be.
> dave is just doing this for the publicity/for business.
because dave is, was and always will be a selfish arrogant cunt :/

Hell Yeah!

M: VINNIE PAUL Says New HELLYEAH Album Is 'About Three-Quarters Of The Way Done' - get ready for the reviews! :D

J: > VINNIE PAUL Says New HELLYEAH Album Is 'About Three-Quarters Horse Shit'
fixed ;)

M: :D :D can't wait to see what gems we'll have on this record. hopefully the cover will look like this :D

J: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL @ that!
did you make that? :D :D

M: yes i did :D :D :D :D :D i'm so proud of it!

J: if they ever have an album art contest, submit that :D

M: they'd blatantly go for it :) i hope so, thats the best 5 minutes work i've ever done.

J: you should have included rita on it XD

M: was going to but i had literally about 5 minutes to do that in and halfway through received some [work] phonecall of gayness - interrupted my creative flow!

J: the hellyeah cover is more important :D

M: that's what i said :D