Leak in the machine

M: the new ff album is leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaked

J: and i bet it SUCKS!

M: yep :)

J: are you getting it :?

M: no :D

J: oh :P

M: are you gonna?

J: has hell frozen over?

M: it is pretty cold ;D

J: but not in hell :)

M: aah :)

You made my drive shaft crank

Here's a couple songs for you - one Metallica, one by me. I don't remember if I've posted any of my own songs here on Leatherman before...it's not very appropriate to be honest. Although 90% of what I listen to is metal, everything I play myself is pretty much folky acousticy bullshit. I only put the Metallica ones up here 'cause they're metal-related and I like me a good cover once in a while.

But anyways, I'm feeling self indulgent. Make of it what you will.

No Presents for Christmas - A Winter's Tale

Inspired some weeks ago by this post, I hit on THE BEST IDEA EVER* for J's winter present.

And now, seeing as we've already opened this year's gifts (I got this!!), J said it was okay to share my genius with you. Yes, all four of you. May the bravery of the characters and the brilliance of their deeds warm your heart on this shortest of days.

(Sorry about the crappy pictures - you'll prolly have to click on the images to make them big enough to read duh)

*I'm aware that, in reality, this story makes no sense whatsoever. But neither does this. So there.

Incidentally...

If you google Dave Wyndorf....

We are not the only ones.

SLAYER BASS MAN SHOUTS TOO MUCH

M: Can you tell MP3 bitrates apart? - interesting

J: yeah, this shit's good. although a lot also depends on the software you use, since I've heard some 128's that sound louder than they should, and also some 192's that sound quiet.

M: haha i was gonna say more than "interesting" but i had to leave my computer and didn't want to lose the feed :)
yeah software and listening equipment make a world of difference! i'm one that doesn't notice quality so much, prolly 'cause so much of my life was spent with only a cassette player...you're the only person that ever mentions to me about kbps rates :)

J: listening on your mp3 player usually gets you to hear stuff you never do on a sterio set up, but then if people are too anal, they should use FLACS, which is not as big as the raw audio file, but is lossless. I still say 192 is the perfect one, since it's not too big in size and still sounds good.

M: my mp3 player won't play those flacs thingies - i have a couple which i downloaded by mistake. i just download whatever i can get mostly, as long as the whole thing is there and some idiot hasn't uploaded something with skips in the tracks or whatever i'm happy. most the time when i listen to music i'm not paying full attention anyways - talking, reading, whatever. even on the way to work i'm mostly reading at the same time and if the book is good, i get through whole albums without even noticing

J: Reign in Blood comes to mind ^_____^

M: LOL you can be listening to that properly and not notice... like we said, until the rain starts :)

J: this :)
though i suppose when you're reading and listening to RIB at the same time, i bet you just don't even notice it. it's like the most popular slayer album is just really a void.
seriously though, i can't understand why people rate it so much, it's fucking dull as shit! it's like listening to one song that never ends

M: i only notice angel of death and rib, they may as well have just released a single

J: RIB sucks, and i don't give a fuck :D

M: seeing as its pretty much their most famous, most rated album.......madness.

J: poor south of heaven, no one really mentions that one :(

M: i think D always liked that, but now i type that i think he liked seasons in the abyss. ho hum.

J: SOH is ok, i like hell awaits more than anything (obvs SNM comes
first, but that aside it's HA)

M: i don't know much apart from rib and show no mercy, i've heard a lot of stuff, from various different albums from being with TM et al but i've never payed them much attention. i don't really like slayer, i hate tom's voice, it sounds like he's shouting at me, specifically. it makes me feel uncomfortable.

J: it's true :D
at least with SNM he's more tuneful

M: sort of. yeah he is a bit. by rib, it's all turned hostile D:

J: hostile tom.
it's because he found out dave wyndorf was older and better looking than him.



M: and got angry :)
haha but it's just that he sounds - not angry in a usual metal way, but angry at YOU, the listening, specifically YOU and he WON'T STOP SHOUTING AND IT'S HORRIBLE.
TOM ARAYA SINGING IS THE VOCAL EQUIVALENT OF SOMEONE USING CAPS LOCK.

My name is?

J: Tom is now known as...http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/SLAYER-bass-man-MAGAZINE-PHOTO_W0QQitemZ250413829666QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item3a4dd3ce22

M: totally LOL'd IRL at that - slayer bass man! that's HILARIOUS. and yeah, is totally his name from now on :D

Metal magic

This time of year you get lists for everything - greatest albums, greatest films, bands, whatever. J and I briefly toyed with the idea of creating our own...and being too lazy to compile this into an actual list, as usual, here's our conversation:

J: see, i think if we did a list, it's be awesome, i think you should do that for leatherman, like a list of most metal moments, but by us...and we know some cool facts! yeah, we hate lists, but we don't hate our own, because we know we're right ;)

M: umm...okay, most metal moments then? that anvil vid is a pretty good one. can't think of anything else off the top of my head? that municipal waste gig at the fighting cocks? i dunno, i'm not that impressed by anything much...

J: vince neil killing razzle :D

M: :O

:)) ooooops!

umm...i think its mean on razzle to put that in there :P

but we can blatantly just add in "everything that vince neil does EVER"

J: off the top of my head;
megaman electrocuting ron mcgovney and then beating up james
the hirax demo
phils bad back
you get the idea - stupid things we love to take the piss out of

M: phil coming back to life, there's one i love :D

the keel right to rock video ;)

J: > phil coming back to life
and douchebag not coming back to life :)
> the keel right to rock video ;)
see, bad-fucking-ass!
see, silly shit we love.

J then completed a huge list of his "most metal moments", which I've copied down here - but with my replies under each as well. As you've prolly noticed before, we do not always agree.

J: Me throwing a Snickers bar at Cradle of Filth... and missing.
M: no

J: Malefic being locked in a coffin to record vocals on Black One
M: maybe

J: The ever changing musical style of Rob Flynn
M: no

J: Keel's Right to Rock video
M: YES

J: Anvil's Mad Dog video (soley for the purpose of the dog turning into Lips)
M: YES

J: Vince Neil killing Razzle (and anything Vince Neil does)
M: only the stuff that vince neil does, i'm not specifically putting accidental drunken murder in there. but now i write it like that, it seems maybe to fit after all.....

J: Anything Seth Putnam does!
M: YES

J: Hirax's 1984 demo
M: YES

J: The Wet Cherry dude from the Decline 2 documentary
M: what?

J: Jim Gillette's hair (and voice)
M: no

J: Michael Angelo Batio's quad-necked guitar (before it was stolen)
M: YES

J: Bret Michaels' mis-spelled tattoo
M: YES YES 1000 times YES

J: This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BdP6lI6kqc
M: fucking YES!

J: John Corobi getting what he thought was the name of the new Motley Crue album he was to sing on for them to change the name and release what he got tattooed as a live album with Vince singing.
M: perhaps (it seems like we should just make another list of the ultimately funny stuff in metal - these aren't exactly metal's "greatest" moments......)

J: ODIN! (Odin, Odin, Odin, Odin.........)
M: no

J: The gorgeous Dan Lilker
M: no

J: Scott and Charlie for single-handedly ruining anthrax
M: no

J: Burton C Bell's hairline (and his inability to realise no one likes his side projects)
M: hehehehe yeah maybe :)

J: Dave Mustaine electrocuting Ron McGovney and beating up James.
M: YES

J: Cliff Burton... for being crushed by a fucking bus!
M: YES. twice!!!!

J: Jason's bass from Justice
M: hey!!!! D:<

J: Sebastian Bach forgetting the words to Youth Gone Wild on Nevermind the Buzzcocks
M: no

J: Sleep spending all their major label advance on weed and amps, recording dopespmoker, then getting dropped.
M: no

J: Phil Anselmo coming back to life (and Dimebag not.)
M: yes, but i won't mention dimebag

J: Dylan Carlson's sexy voice
M: NO.

So there you have it. It's more J's list than mine, but then I suffer from an atrocious memory and tend not to remember these sorts of things.

Anyone have their own ideas? I'm sure most of the above won't make it on to the usual "greatest" anything lists - can I entice any of you (all 4 of you who read this) to share your thoughts?

A Blaze in the Northern Sky

M: http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/981989/spiralling-sky-light-baffles-experts

J: i saw that in the paper yesterday; it's obviously the second coming of
my master, euronymous!

M: :O
or its odin

J: something to go with varg being out :D
no doubt it's some kind of wizardry he's done :)

M: ahh :)

wizardry :O summoning the gods!

or its saint lucia :)

J: saint lucia is an island ;)

M: she is also a saint :p the 12th or the 13th is her saints day and lucy means light. its a scandinavian celebration maybe, so i have decided that makes sense and is obviouly what's happened.
in your face odin!

J: i knew that, i looked on wiki, i was just being silly :)

M: ahh :))

still, i'm glad. i'm not keen on the christians as you know, but i'm not entirely at ease with the norse gods. they're not very nice, as far as i can tell.

thats the only thing i don't like in a lot of scandinavian metal - although i love a nice anti-christian sentiment....i hate the norse gods. thor and odin are in some ways pretty cool....but they just make me uneasy. and they're not a patch on the greek gods, who of course rule the pantheon supreme ^__________^

J: I find the use of satanism in metal boring and, more than not, childish - these folk moan on about how Christians believe this farce, etc, etc, but then they have their own farce in Satan - that's why it's good if it used loosely, but you take early Mayhem, etc, it was all just that, used loosely and in image with the music - the lyrics were more something from a goregrind band or such. The BM bands now just take it to a level that makes me embarrased with a stage full of inverted crosses, and all that guff, it's just not for me.

M: i hate the whole "church of satan" thing - you know where you get people (like jizzzzzzzahn) who go on about how it's really serious and adult and it's more about hedonism and stuff then devil worshipping etc....actually no, if you read it, it IS just teenage angsty bullshit embarassing crap. i hate all of that shit, the over the top satan worship and the people who think they're being more subtle.......

its just embarassing and i have no interest in satan, the devil or whatever. for me, those are christian principles - and i know how many satanists will go on about how the devil existed before christianity....yeah, so did god, you heard of judaism? he's the same guy folks. and concepts of devils have existed just as long as concepts of gods have....besides, neither are real.

i hate how people in metal make fun of christians and go against all that......the whole satan thing is just as absurd, if not more so. it's chronically embarassing. glen benton and his stupid upside down cross - is he fucking serious? well i know we all know he's a fucking retard (who got married in a church) but there are people who think that kind of behaviour is cool!

the horror.

J: Satanism IS teenage angst - i remember lots of kids around the time I was a teen thought the whole ideology was really cool. The guy Mandy went out with after me was that sort of guy, he even had 666 tattooed on him, FFS :/
Glen Benton is a fucking arsehole! He used to say in interviews he was going to kill himself at the same age Jesus died at, etc. The guy is a fucking twatter. And as I always say - keep satanism out of death metal; it's not the place for it, old DM bands were never like that, and nor were the early BM bands. People like Euro and that were still kids at the time and as we said; the whole teenage angst thing is rife then - but muscally they were never satanic, it's more so now with bands that take it to a level that makes you die inside. Like with the idiots that throw their horns - they're all gears to the lame band they're at the sermon of.
I don't have anything against using any of it in art, or like writing darkthrone with an inverted T/cross - I just see that as a cool touch.

M: oh yeah, i love cool images and symbolism - the image of the inverted cross is fun, just in the sense of turning something upside down, quite literally - but like you said, it's just for playing around with - having 666 tattooed on you is one of the lamest things you could ever do to yourself!
We all love skulls and death and shit like that - it'll always be synonymous with metal and there's nothing wrong with it - we love it and that's cool. i always remember ozzy osbourne saying that "people make horror films - why can't we make horror music". i love films about shit like that, i fucking LOVE the omen - but i love it as a film and that's it. metal i love as music and that's it.

J: Yeah, what you just said, 110% :)

Unquestionable presents: signatures edition

It's almost the end of the year and I've rediscovered my motivation to post. It helps that I'm not as busy/drunk as I have been the past few weeks. Actually that's not entirely true; I'm a little bit drunk right now.

However, behaviour such as this is ENTIRELY APPROPRIATE for the festive season. I may not believe in the birth of Jesus, but I do believe that consuming food and drink in vast quantities is the best way to combat winter. I'm also a great advocate of PRESENTS.

Sadly, these aren't presents for me.

As much as I'd like to find these babies under the tree: they're all destined for homes other than mine. Which makes me awful sad - but all this record selling might someday make J rich. At which point, I'll confess my undying love, he can buy me a house and we'll all live happily ever after. Swings and roundabouts.

If anyone wants any of these...let me know. There's some more coming up, although if they take me as long these ones to getting around to photographing...you'll hear about them sometime in August.

Watch this fucking space

Right folks, my UNRETIREMENT is coming very soon, so you'd better hold onto your afterburners 'cause there's some good stuff in the works.

Pasanen syndrome

Proving the theory that I can't stick to anything for very long, I am announcing my retirement from the world of blogging, due to lack of motivation and interest.

Not a lack of interest in metal, that still remains my favourite thing evaaaaaaaaa...just lack of interest in sitting at the computer really. I may or may not un-retire at some point; I don't think anyone really cares.

Metal Wars

M: MH† - LOL looks like a post about machine head (from the title)

J: that or metal hammer :)

M: yeah, with that stupid cross and everything :) it's like their sword they have now (dunno, they never used to have it that i remember, but they always have the defending the faith sword logo on the header now)

J: who do, machine head :?

M: nah, metal hammer.


J: i've never noticed - i like their old logo whereas it looks like a band :D
the only faith metal hammer preach is that of the one against my metal law :D ;)

M: :O a war breaks out!

J: a metal war!
that'd be awesome!

M: we'd never win :( we are too few in number :((

J: yeah, there's too many metalfags that like fag stuff.
rob darken can lead the first battalion :[

M: he'd be ace to lead us in!

J: basically, any obscure BM band... and Abbath ;)

M: flag of the legions:

I heart Vince

J: i think i've just found the two best bands ever. you decide!
http://www.metal-archives.com/search.php?string=metal+wolf&type=band

M: i looked at the picture for the 2nd one first - WOLVZ attracted me and i thought nothing could get funnier than that logo with that picture........and then i looked at the first one!!!! that dude with the motley crue sweater or whatever that is is AMAZING

J: yeah, he's the metal overlord :D i LOVE 'taches in metal - fuck beards, i hate them, unless it's on el duce, or me in later years
you can't get more of a Metal name then Metal Wolf... unless you are Metal Law, but not the ML that there is now :)

M: are you going to grow a beard :? :O

metal wolf, he's like the animal god of metal :D

also: http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/VTG-black-MOTLEY-CRUE-SWEAT-SHIRT-dr-feelgood-shirt-M_W0QQitemZ300352477198QQcmdZViewItemQQptZVintage_Men_s_Clothing?hash=item45ee67180e&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14 omg want it so much. i'll bedazzle "I heart vince" on the back

J: > are you going to grow a beard

when my hair finally all leaves this mortal place and i gain bear weight, yes. i will them take over from my master el duce left :D
that top is cool :- only a day left :O

M: i am so bidding on it. i know i'm saving for hellfest but that is iron maiden :D
plus i can bedazzle it, which i'll so do, so people don't think i'm a hipster. how can you not appreciate someone who takes the time and care to write "i heart vince neil" in RHINESTONES?!

J: hey now, i thought you loved tommy lee ;O

University of Reading

M: NIRVANA: 'Live At Reading' Trailer Available

J: i feel blessed that i was there for not only the most ground breaking nirvana gig, but also the number 1 in kerrang's top 100 gigs of all time....

M: i know, now that that it's been validated as the most amazing by kerrang, i bet you just treasure the memories all the more

J: hell yeah!

M: XO

If it wasn't...it is now!

HA.

For those not in the know, this is the lovely Audrina Partridge, from MTV's The Hills.

Blow Out

(World Painted Blood has leaked)

M: SLAYER Frontman Blows Out Voice Prior To Melbourne Concert; Show Goes On - olllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllld man araya

J: tom obv tried to sing antichrist from SNM and blew his voice.
awesome :D

M: i know, LULZ all round. so much for all those people who go on about slayer still kicking ass :D

J: yeah, their mighty singer can't fucking sing.

M: :D

J: srsly, it's a cop out that they've pulled this, tom can still play bass - kerry or jeff should sing, it's not that hard to sing slayer songs!
andreas sung for sepultura when max pulled out of a gig, fuck these pussies!

M: true dat, or get help - jonathan davis didn't play with korn and they just got loads of other people to help - i'm sure there must have been someone there that could have done it. all you have to do is shout angel of death over and over again and no-one would notice the difference

J: kerry could have sung, since all he does is boring rhythm, it would have made the gig special, but instead they pussied out
fuck slayer

M: also true, i love the fact that i saw korn with all the different people (even if it does mean i've never seen a complete korn line up) and i'd cut off my leg to have seen joey play drums for metallica!

J: james never pussied out when he couldn't play guitar :)

M: and he'd been set on fire :O

Carmelita

A quick youtube search shows me that Warren Zevon's song Carmelita is a pretty popular one to cover.

One of the most notorious musicians to try their hand at it was GG Allin:

When I first played this song at J's house, I never knew GG had done a cover of it and was pretty surprised J knew the song at all. Here's my version:



Sadly, despite all the different versions on youtube, I can't seem to find the original. To this day I've not heard it, I know it from years ago off some old Counting Crows bootleg.

Saturday Porn Slot

After...not very many weeks at all of this feature, I'll admit that it's getting harder and harder to fill. I guess it's like my friend P said: if people can play and they're really hot, they just join the regular music industry and make a shitload of cash. Metal is often the music for outsiders, for the ones that never fit in - not the beautful people.

However there's hope for us all yet. I still have a few hotties up my sleeve...

This one's another that's hot and can play. True, he's in a shit band now, but the Sepultura that recorded Arise fucking ruled. And I'm not alone in thinking Andreas Rudolph Kisser not only has a hilarious name, but is hot:

The ladies just can't keep away.

Look at him go!

He's my very favourite beardy Brazilian (ha!) and was mighty fine back in the day.

Also, props to him for playing in this band:

Had Gary Holt stayed with the band...I dunno, I don't think you can get better than Jason Newsted, Gary Holt and Andreas Kisser being in one band!!!

Now to be fair, in their time, Sepultura was a pretty hot group overall...

...but when you think about what Max and Igor have somehow turned into...you'll see why it's Andreas that gets this spot today:

There are no words.